During our weekly phone conversation, my younger sister mentioned the benefits of “verbalizing.” She had complained about something to her daughter, and then the solution presented itself. All because she’d heard herself describe the problem. That resonated with me. I don’t talk about problems nearly often enough. Instead, I procrastinate looking for solutions.
Yesterday, I talked with a neighbor, both of us having recently experienced a major loss. We discussed grief, and I expressed my disinclination to join a grief group. But I also realized my own lack of clarity regarding feelings about anything at all.
I mulled over that conversation and during a restless night my problem became clear. At three a.m., I turned on the light to make a notation about stuffing my grief in my journal. I have been doing everything possible to not feel anything at all. And not merely one kind of stuffing, though food came first to mind, probably because it’s my most recent method of keeping feelings at bay.
Stuffing Grief for me includes—
filling my stomach with food, eating ice cream straight from the container, eating, eating, eating.
filling my mind with anything at all: DVDs, books, puzzles, anything to avoid stillness.
filling my body (but not mind) with stillness. No movement means no change.
filling my loss of caretaking duties with concern for Sophie dog, placing her needs over my own.
Okay! It’s definitely time to try something new. Even my morning horoscope agreed. “An obstacle will be cleared.”
The first thing I did was to make a to-do list placing my walk before Sophie’s. The days are warming so fast, that I’m disinclined to walk later. I pushed my feet to move faster on a somewhat longer route around the neighborhood. After all, Sophie was awaiting her turn.
But what a walk! My brain clanked into gear, giving me a glimpse of a new angle leading to my unfinished novel’s climax. And following that, words began shaping this week’s blog.
Get moving. As simple as that. To be repeated every day.